A Stalker Hot On My Trail

I almost fainted this morning - my car was not in the usual spot i normally park it. It took me a good 5 seconds to realize it was'nt there because i had parked it in a rather obscure location the night before due to the unavailability of preferred parking spots.

Pheeew! i can breathe again. Just the other day my friend's car was stolen from her apartment complex. She found it a few days later. The seats, stereo, and every valuable piece of hardware already gone. Poor girl. Had that been me, the way i'd be rolling on the floor screaming, you'd immediately know i was a Naija guy. No be small thing.

Somebody keeps sending me wierd text messages and each time i call that number, i get a voicemail that sounds something like a female in her early 20s's. My own don betta! i got a female stalker now. I guess i'm a Rockstar. The first few text messages exchanged between us went something like this;

unID'd Female Stalker: Do you Eat Ass?
Me: da heeell..! Who is this?
unID'd Female Stalker: Just answer the question

lol..I was at my dentist at that moment and she was all up in my grill, so i decided to chill until my appt was over. Soon as i got done, i called the # but she did'nt pick up. At least now I know she's a female. These groupies have no manners...

Me: Do you suck dick?
unID'd Female Stalker: [No Response]

Of course she wont respond nau. I called and left her a message not to text me any further if she was'nt gonna pick up her phone. I didnt hear from her for another week.

A week later she calls my phone, but it was like 2:30 early mo-mo. This kele no dey sleep ni? I had already forgotten the phone # sef, but when i called to say "hey someone called this number earlier and i'm trying to fnd out who it was...", i hear that familiar voicemail. See me see trouble o!. E bi like say this kele wan do, but me i no get time for all this hide and seek na. This naija guy has no time for games.

This morning (around 2am again) i got a text - "Jimmy got soul. Queens Finest". Wairra-miiinute! I just DJ'ed a naija parry at a club named Queens this past wkend. Whaaat daa %#$*...