I've Been Away From Home For Far Too Long...

The last time i stepped foot in Lagos was back in '99. That also happened to be the first time i ever boarded a plane, haha! i know right? I'm a Caveman. I was headed to New York City, the whole filing process took around 2 yrs. you know how those US embassy folks in Victoria island be giving us wahala (stress); "bring this..", "bring that...', finger printing nko? they even asked us to do Dna test lol...

My Mumsy gave me a big fat hug, my little sister's eyes were watery, probably wondering if perhaps that was the last time she'd ever see me. I miss home so much, it's been over 8 years already, yet it seems just like yesterday. I remember that night so well, i had on a yellow polo shirt, a blue Tommy Jeans and boots. The airport agents asked me to strip butt naked so they could do an xray scan of my entire body, perhaps i had grams of coke stuffed up my ass lol..i dont blame them sha, that was common back then and probably still is.

I think about my family alot. How's my mum dealing? she's almost 57, Agba tin de (old age is near). Back in her hay days, carl lewis wouldnt out-run my mumsy lol..whenever my siblings and I got in serious trouble and she pulled out the cane to deal with us, we would run around the house and backyard in an effort to dodge the ass whoop. You should see the way my mumsy still in her late 30s/early 40s would chase us in cirlces and eventually cornered us lolol..now when i bring it up, we just laugh and she would comment "eyin omo yi fe pami" (you these kids tried to kill me).
mehn! Shola, my lil 18y/o sister is goin on her 3rd yr in UNILAG and now they're on strike. She's obviously stressed right now, i havent spoken to her in over 2wks. I should call soon. My mum argues she's the one that gave her the least stress while growing up. She always makes me proud, very corteous and always on top in school. Gboyega and i often got into trouble, but i was the undisputed kingpin lol..always up to something. I remember i used to sneak out of the house to attend night parties, hang out at my neighbor's house playing super nintendo (we got tired of our Sega), or even better, just chill in the Area with my boys so we could like toast babes and sturve.

Often times i had to strike a deal or bribe my siblings or house help so they would'nt snitch. hahaha! that was kinda cool, especially if you were the one being bribed cos you get to dictate the whole negotiation process. There were all kinds of bribes, sometimes you had to surrender part of your dinner and it was usually the most precious part, yeh! that juicy Meat! mehn it was usually tough letting go, but it still was a reasonable price to pay to avoid having to stool down or lie against the wall and attain the okada position for hours after yawa gas. Those naija style punishment were near crippling. I remember my mum would ask us to stool down. This was probably the punishment of all punishments (you had to touch the floor with your index finger, with your other hand behind your back and standing on just one leg (pivot) while the other leg is suspended in the air). After the first 5-10 minutes, your Pivot leg starts to feel heavy and numb. 15 minutes into it and you're already staggering left and right like a new born calf trying to take his first walk. The trick to this punishment is to not stretch your other leg (the one that is gonna be raised up in the air) too far out or you could just swap legs, as this usually relieves the anguish and it does defeats the whole purpose of the punishment anyway. However be very sleek when swapping legs, and try not to get caught. Otherwise you're on your own o! lol... For me, this meant "side menu" ass whoop whenever i got caught swapping legs.

Life in yankee is all well and good but Ajo o da bi'le (No place like home). if only our leaders could spend just a tiny fraction of all that oil money they keep stealing on making life a little easier for its citizens, perhaps i wouldnt have to weep within. naija Le gan! (Nigeria is rough) eye dey chook, people dey suffer, and dem still dey smile.

I'm way overdue for a naija trip. I need to go back to Lagos, grab an agbalumo, hop on a molue (public bus)and relate again.