God Dey!

Hello blogheads, long time. how una dey? hope sey your body dey kampe. As for me, I've been extremely busy mehn. Work, just finished moving, Side DJ'ing Bizness,and everyday stress, plus i got this new boss @ work i'm trying to impress cos my old boss victor got let go.

victor and I were Paddy paddys, hence i used to be able to get away with a lot of sturves i.e browsing on naijaryders.com, ESPN, taking long ass lunch breaks and and sturves. Despite all this, i still manage to finish my assigned tasks on time, and he was cool with it.

Although victor was an all round cool dude and knew how to manage a team, he wasnt as technically sound as the rest of the team. You have to be on top of your game working for a software company like mines. Luckily he was able to secure a managerial position at another software company very close by as a team lead. He emailed me and invited me to lunch sometime.

I'm still scoping my new boss. The guy sharp mehn, sneaky morrasucka. He's pretty good at sneaking up behind you. I remember this one time i was browsing on naijaryders (obviously not a work related site like microsoft.com, google.com or some other research related site) and i happened to be viewing the main page looking for interesting threads to read (morning threads are fun). Like willie Willie, nah so this bobo take sneak up on me sha.

"what you up to today mike?"

Fuck!

The Page was right there, it would be stupid to try to minimize that shit.

Me: "Uhm i'm planning on working on that vista task on the board with plenty hours on it, i need to see how it handles SQL Server Installs and upgrades..., might actually take me the whole week..."

lol..I just take style come up with some random "task of the day", remembering to keep constant eye contact, in the hopes of keeping his eyes glued on me instead of the monitor.
Devil get small power o, can you believe there was actually a thread on there that had the word "Sex" as part of the title. Luckily he did'nt seem to notice too much as he walked away to bother another team member.

I need to master all those keyboard shortcut key so i can quickly switch between windows without fiddling with the mouse as he approachs my desk. I need this job Mehn until hopefully i too become a boss. I got mouths to feed.

I just finished moving and i've been spending money like crazy to furnish the house. Can you believe common window blinds alone cost me $300. I just dropped $1700 for sofa and love seat the other day. All man still need to buy bed in case babes want the koko (the sofa is strictly for decor and is off limits until further notice), matching center carpet, little contemporary decors here and there, and i would also like to get my flat screen mounted. All man don run down right now and Pepper no too rest until next wk. God dey!

Feel free to send me donations if your pocket long. I will send you postcards of the house every month so you can see the result of your goodwill.

I called naija on wednesday, it was my sister's 18th birthday. In between convo, i asked my momsy what she taught about the election results - yaradua as our next leader. My momsy's response was short and it really hit home. "Nigeria's savior has not been born, who wants to die?". Essentially, what she was getting at is that naija's current leaders are still corrupt and useless, judging from the way the election was handled. Nobody has the balls to challenge power, lest they get annihilated. God dey!

Speaking of my sister, mehn the girl dey try o. She just finished her 200 levels and now they are on break. At her current pace, she should graduate from UNILAG at age 19. At 19, your boy just dey start college all over again for yankee. Not surprising sha, she's always been the top of the class, her lowest position ever was 3rd. I think she kinda took a lil break and goofed off, e no easy. She makes me proud mehn, i can't wait for her to cross over after LAG.

I'm not sure really why i cherish my baby sister more than the average love that siblings typically have amongst them. Maybe it's just natural, she's my sister nau, or perhaps i appreciate her even more, given she narrowly escaped death despite being under my watch.

*eyes tearing up a little*

One day, I went to pick her up from school as usual. she was still in primary four or five i think. There was this other kid i use to pick up too cos usually their driver would come pick up the kid and my sister. They lived down from our street, so it was convenient. However the driver was'nt always available to go pick them up, in that case i would go scoop em up.

we always had to cross this busy road(Agboju bustop in festac Town. sister went to nazareth) to get to the other side in order to catch the bus and usually i would watch to make sure the road was clear and then wave them across. There really was no need to be clenching on their wrists. They were kids and it was fun for them to run freely across the road as long as it was clear.

Anyways on this fateful day, we were about to cross and for some really weird reason, i saw a car appraoching and it seemed so far away, i was confident at least at that moment there was enough time to cross safely. I waved them off. The other kid being a boy, quickly sprinted across safely, my baby sister followed. Mehn it was the worse decision of my life.

*fighting back tears, manhood at risk*

As soon as my sister followed, i knew immediately i had misjudged the safeness of the situation. I screamed as if pleading she retreat, but she was too far across already. There was nothing i could do but watch in despair. The car knocked her over to the side of the road. Time appeared to stand still, quietness fill the entire surrounding for a second or so as i stood in shock.

Reality set in, this was not a bad dream afterall. my baby sister just got hit. people began screaming, running towards her. I ran across as fast as i could, scared as hell. I'm praying to God, "Shola please get up, not like this..please get up..". Mehn i've never felt more crappier in my twenty something yrs than how i felt that afternoon.

All of a sudden, she gets up looking dazed. Amazingly she ended up with a huge gash on her hand - around the thumb area. she actually barely cleared the road as the car slightly brushed her on the side. I held her as she stared at me in disbelief as if to say "you waved us clear...". I couldnt stop begging "I'm sorry", as i repeatedly checked her out for bruises.

Nearby sympathizers quickly arranged a car to take her to the hospital. she got it stitched. We never talk about it, but the memory lingers.

I thank God for preserving her life, plus keeping her in absolute perfect condition because she is such a super dupa awesome great jolly lovable person. I dont know how i would have lived if things had turned out worse. You know how they say you never know what you have until is taken or almost taken from you. I wouldnt be able to live in peace mehn. No way!

I wont even bother gisting you how so pissed off my momsy was lol..she almost ripped my head off. I would be pissed off too, plus she's the only girl. It was wholly my fault.

Anyways, it's fridaay baby! all man broke small, but the devil is a lier. i still go flenjure tonite. I heard stories about this 25 and up club and how plenty babes with high mileage dey come there to find potential husband. haha! them never hala. As an eligible bachelor with smooth flows, some of those chics might wanna holla. hahaha!

Mehn i love my crib no be small, i'm still hooknig it up and i'll post photos when i'm done. Suya and Guinness tonite fo sho, it's been a real busy week. Notin do me, Notin do you. It's almost 5, the office don empty sef. White boys no dey take friday play o. Me sef dey bounce in a bit. Have a safe one.

I'm Still Moving...

Ok so i'm still moving sturves from my apt to my crib and i have to wait here till 5 for my dish hookup. i remembered i had already scheduled comcast for their highspeed internet which is now gonna cost me $60/month - up from the regular $42. I suppose it's their way of punishing me for dropping their cable TV service. Half of it is crap anyways; c-span,bravo etc...

Out of curiousity, I pulled out my lappy to see if perhaps any free wireless signal was floating around, and Viola! i found a handful. In fact i'm communicating with ya'll courtesy of free internet. Haha! i'm axing comcast completely now. My way of sticking to the man.

Julius Agwu (One of Naija's Top Comedian) did his thing last friday at the "Crack your Ribs" comedy show. Hardly anyone was safe from his yabs. I was on stage with him cos i was the DJ so obviously i was an easy target. The guy finish my life with yabs mehn..called me an APE and asked how i take get visa enter yankee lol.. it was a fun night mehn. Big ups to julius.

I love my new place - but it would be nice if more black folks moved in and backed me up cos all i'm seeing is chinkos and yellow pple...ok i got a shitload of blinds to put up...Hope the household from which i'm currently tapping the free signal dont soji
How was church today?

A Stalker Hot On My Trail

I almost fainted this morning - my car was not in the usual spot i normally park it. It took me a good 5 seconds to realize it was'nt there because i had parked it in a rather obscure location the night before due to the unavailability of preferred parking spots.

Pheeew! i can breathe again. Just the other day my friend's car was stolen from her apartment complex. She found it a few days later. The seats, stereo, and every valuable piece of hardware already gone. Poor girl. Had that been me, the way i'd be rolling on the floor screaming, you'd immediately know i was a Naija guy. No be small thing.

Somebody keeps sending me wierd text messages and each time i call that number, i get a voicemail that sounds something like a female in her early 20s's. My own don betta! i got a female stalker now. I guess i'm a Rockstar. The first few text messages exchanged between us went something like this;

unID'd Female Stalker: Do you Eat Ass?
Me: da heeell..! Who is this?
unID'd Female Stalker: Just answer the question

lol..I was at my dentist at that moment and she was all up in my grill, so i decided to chill until my appt was over. Soon as i got done, i called the # but she did'nt pick up. At least now I know she's a female. These groupies have no manners...

Me: Do you suck dick?
unID'd Female Stalker: [No Response]

Of course she wont respond nau. I called and left her a message not to text me any further if she was'nt gonna pick up her phone. I didnt hear from her for another week.

A week later she calls my phone, but it was like 2:30 early mo-mo. This kele no dey sleep ni? I had already forgotten the phone # sef, but when i called to say "hey someone called this number earlier and i'm trying to fnd out who it was...", i hear that familiar voicemail. See me see trouble o!. E bi like say this kele wan do, but me i no get time for all this hide and seek na. This naija guy has no time for games.

This morning (around 2am again) i got a text - "Jimmy got soul. Queens Finest". Wairra-miiinute! I just DJ'ed a naija parry at a club named Queens this past wkend. Whaaat daa %#$*...

"I'm a Danfo Driver..."

Danfo Driver, feat. Mad Melon and Mountain Black. A conscious tune popular among University students and still one of my favorite naija tracks of all time.

No not me! Mountain Black and Mad Melon. Although chances are that i too might have become one if i stayed back home as i continued to struggle just like thousands others, for an opportunity to attend higher learning.

It's very tough nowadays for the average secondary school graduate to attend higher learning. Another cause and effect of poor leadership and corruption in my country.

I come from a country where scoring high on your Standard Exams, including meeting requirements of your preferred university still does not guarantee you admission. In my country, you either had major bucks to bribe your way in, or you got the right connections, else nothin for you.

I admit, i too bribed my way into Lagos State University's Pre Degree Program (A One yr Pre Matriculation Program offered by universities in which real admission is promised upon successful completion of the program. however i bet if you bombed the program, you still could bribe your way in) in '98. I successfully completed the program of course. I was on the plane to New York City shortly after that.

"A benefit finds its only measure in the worth of those who have received it."

In the 1960’s ‘70’s and up to mid 80’s the five premier universities, Ahmadu Bello university, University of Ibadan, University of Ife, University of Lagos, and University of Nsukka were centers of academic excellence. There were few universities and many students to be admitted and competition was very fierce but healthy. Even then, many students with grade II found it difficult to gain admission because there were so many excellent students to pick from.

Nigerian government influenced the admission standards by establishing the Joint Admission and Matriculation Board, JAMB, introducing Federal character, catchment areas, e.t.c but without monitoring the standard. Prospective university students that needed admission simply got letters from the head of state, a governor, or a Minister in order to gain admission.

A beautiful young lady was once quoted to have said that "I just want to get admission to the university because once I am in I know what to do to graduate, I don’t mean hard work." Now history is judging the prudence of government, students, lecturers and parents.

Yet Another Massacre on Campus

Face of a Kiler:Police identify College Gun man as 23 yr old Korean

History was made yesterday as the deadliest Shooting Rampage in Modern US history took place on Virginia Tech's Campus. 23 year old Cho Seung-Hui, a Senior and English Major took the lives of 32 of his fellow hokies, injured another two dozens before taking his own life.

While we struggle to come to terms with this tragedy, one can't help but ask questions. What was the motive behind the slayings? why did'nt campus safety authorities lock down the campus after the earlier shooting incidence of 2 students around 7.15 in the morning? Why did school Authorities wait 2 hours before sending warning emails to students?



I was watching an online MSNBC news coverage of the incident and came across several video clips detailing the massacre. One of them included a mobile phone video recording vividly showing the shooting as it happened. A gruesome reality, One could clearly hear the shots as they were being fired.

Another video was a story of Ryan Clark, fondly known by his peers as "Stark". Clark's story had me fighting back tears as i read how he lost his own life while he went to the aid of a resident in his dorm who had been confronted by her boyfriend. The boyfriend shot both of them. Clark was a Resident Advisor at a dormnitory where the gunman opened fire. He was described as a really funny guy that liked to mess around. “He loved his residents. He would do anything for them - any hour of the day or night,” a friend added. “It made so much sense that he would go to help the girl.”

Clark, an aspiring phychologist who had a triple major along with 4.0 GPA, was a member of the school's band.

I am sorry for the 32 families and countless friends and relatives grieving as i write. It's surreal. There's a lot of hurt, a lot of questions, a lot of anger.

This tragic event will perhaps spark another debate between law makers on gun control and constitutional rights. Will we be safer from this type of incident if we had rights to carry firearms and protect ourselves from lunatics like the gunman? or perhaps will this cause an increase in slayings due to the easy access to guns.

To our lost ones - May Your Souls Rest in Peace. Amen.

The Rundown

hehe! once again i'm late. Perhaps i should move to Mars. I could use that extra 37 minutes.. So how are you? as for me i had a long wkend. There was this naija party i had to DJ on friday, which btw was still fairly packed at 5am. Atlanta people like to do Faaji (Party). Saturday was for errands, and then on sunday i went to my friend Bukky's house to lounge and watch naija movies with her, plus she gave me plenty naija food (moi moi, fried rice, Jollof, delicious Spaghetti,Stew with Shaki, etc..) to take home with me. haha! you jealous huh? well i don't have it like that, she's just a really thoughtful girl. We both attended Government college ikorodu back in Naija. I graduated in '97, she finished in '98. We crossed path again in yankee around '05. This time thru a good friend of mines owolabi that also happened to attend the same secondary school. You're probably thinking - "..small world..". Well heck yeh it is!. You better be good to people as you pass thru this world cos you just never know. Karma is not the only reason to be good my friend. It's good to be good to others. i know your momma told you this while growing up so we're not gonna waste key strokes on that today.

Speaking of women, i'm still trying to figure out what about a woman attracts me the most. Every guy likes a nice looking babe (whatever your definition of nice looking). I've met women so fine, just getting her phone # alone makes me wanna do backflips talkless of hanging with her. BTW I don't know how to do backflips. Under my correct senses, I would be scared for fear of breaking my neck, but one time i actually did a full backflip in a parking lot after obtaining this girl's number. The very same # for which many guys tried and failed that night lol..

Ok so i get the number, the babe starts to scatter my head, we get to hang out, i'm on the phone with her and my mumsy beeps on the other line and i dont switch over to even just say "hey mom how are you? can i call you back later?", i dey fashee my homeboys to hang with her and sturve..then what? well as it turns out after a while, perhaps 3-6 months down the line after hanging fulltime with the babe and getting to know her really well, i realize - perhaps it wasnt love at first sight after all. More like Lust at first sight.

As i meet women along the way and get to interact, i get a better understanding of the things that matter most to me in order to be able to sustain a healthy relationship with that woman. would i choose a sexy babe with a knockout body but with unattractive characters over an average looking babe with good morals, knows to cook delicious food that makes me come running home like i need to catch a game on TV? The type we refer to as "Wifey Material".

I once met this really good looking naija girl and we got to know each other. I aint goin lie - i pictured a possibility of her being my wifey someday. However she was the sturborn bonehead type, it was her way or the highway. She could run her mouth, arguing her point till tomorrow. For example if i said "oh this person can sing" or "person X always dresses nice" she'll be like "uuhm i dont think so" even if everyone and including you will clearly agree with me. she was just too much, i had to downgrade her from VIP status to coach mehn!. Imagine marrying someone like that. She could be a major pain in the ass, maybe even end up in divorce. who needs that extra stress with everything that's going on today. Now when we talk over the phone and she asks if i wanna hangout and i reply "no", she'll be like "You know you want me.." lmao! I just laff, Omo, levels don change. This is probabally beginning to sound personal, but it's not. Really!.

Can love possibly come before lust or lust must come before love. if this was a JAMB exam question, i'd probly answer the latter. Watch out for my wifey list lol..it's really not much. but at least now you know i don't dig bonehead chics. Being Assertive and being boneheaded and mouthy are two completely different things.

Remember that my good friend owolabi i mentioned earlier? he's actually a great friend. He helped me a lot back when i was struggling to find work after graduating from college. Another friend even gave me his car to drive when i found this penny paying job as a cablevision tech support specialist in long island, NY. You need one or two friends like this to get thru life. I miss my boys tho. They're among the few things i miss from relocating from NYC to ATL. Def Blog worthy.

I've Been Away From Home For Far Too Long...

The last time i stepped foot in Lagos was back in '99. That also happened to be the first time i ever boarded a plane, haha! i know right? I'm a Caveman. I was headed to New York City, the whole filing process took around 2 yrs. you know how those US embassy folks in Victoria island be giving us wahala (stress); "bring this..", "bring that...', finger printing nko? they even asked us to do Dna test lol...

My Mumsy gave me a big fat hug, my little sister's eyes were watery, probably wondering if perhaps that was the last time she'd ever see me. I miss home so much, it's been over 8 years already, yet it seems just like yesterday. I remember that night so well, i had on a yellow polo shirt, a blue Tommy Jeans and boots. The airport agents asked me to strip butt naked so they could do an xray scan of my entire body, perhaps i had grams of coke stuffed up my ass lol..i dont blame them sha, that was common back then and probably still is.

I think about my family alot. How's my mum dealing? she's almost 57, Agba tin de (old age is near). Back in her hay days, carl lewis wouldnt out-run my mumsy lol..whenever my siblings and I got in serious trouble and she pulled out the cane to deal with us, we would run around the house and backyard in an effort to dodge the ass whoop. You should see the way my mumsy still in her late 30s/early 40s would chase us in cirlces and eventually cornered us lolol..now when i bring it up, we just laugh and she would comment "eyin omo yi fe pami" (you these kids tried to kill me).
mehn! Shola, my lil 18y/o sister is goin on her 3rd yr in UNILAG and now they're on strike. She's obviously stressed right now, i havent spoken to her in over 2wks. I should call soon. My mum argues she's the one that gave her the least stress while growing up. She always makes me proud, very corteous and always on top in school. Gboyega and i often got into trouble, but i was the undisputed kingpin lol..always up to something. I remember i used to sneak out of the house to attend night parties, hang out at my neighbor's house playing super nintendo (we got tired of our Sega), or even better, just chill in the Area with my boys so we could like toast babes and sturve.

Often times i had to strike a deal or bribe my siblings or house help so they would'nt snitch. hahaha! that was kinda cool, especially if you were the one being bribed cos you get to dictate the whole negotiation process. There were all kinds of bribes, sometimes you had to surrender part of your dinner and it was usually the most precious part, yeh! that juicy Meat! mehn it was usually tough letting go, but it still was a reasonable price to pay to avoid having to stool down or lie against the wall and attain the okada position for hours after yawa gas. Those naija style punishment were near crippling. I remember my mum would ask us to stool down. This was probably the punishment of all punishments (you had to touch the floor with your index finger, with your other hand behind your back and standing on just one leg (pivot) while the other leg is suspended in the air). After the first 5-10 minutes, your Pivot leg starts to feel heavy and numb. 15 minutes into it and you're already staggering left and right like a new born calf trying to take his first walk. The trick to this punishment is to not stretch your other leg (the one that is gonna be raised up in the air) too far out or you could just swap legs, as this usually relieves the anguish and it does defeats the whole purpose of the punishment anyway. However be very sleek when swapping legs, and try not to get caught. Otherwise you're on your own o! lol... For me, this meant "side menu" ass whoop whenever i got caught swapping legs.

Life in yankee is all well and good but Ajo o da bi'le (No place like home). if only our leaders could spend just a tiny fraction of all that oil money they keep stealing on making life a little easier for its citizens, perhaps i wouldnt have to weep within. naija Le gan! (Nigeria is rough) eye dey chook, people dey suffer, and dem still dey smile.

I'm way overdue for a naija trip. I need to go back to Lagos, grab an agbalumo, hop on a molue (public bus)and relate again.

A Close Encounter in New Jersey

Way back while still a legal New Yorker (2002), I traveled to jersey to go hook up with this chic i met off some phone chat. I think it was called telepersonal or sumfin, i'm not quite exact. We've been talking for a couple of days, so we decided to link up.

Anyway, i got there and we were chillin in her crib and stuff, shordy was talkin mad crazy shit, you know like freaky sturves she like to do.. lmao. anyways i noticed her fone kept ringin like every 10-15 minutes or so, and it was a dude on the the line. From the convo, it appeared the dude was always asking "where u at?", "what you doin?" yari yari yari...well she kept reassuring me the dude was a friend. well to cut the story short, i was all up in dat booty in like less than 2hrs after i got there, waxin dat ass real good too, and while i was ploughin her out, all of a sudden fone starts ringin again, and this time the dude sounding all pissed off. we had to cut the action, shordy pleaded i go hide in some closet but damn! shordy already bust like 10 times and i aint gotten mines yet. I'm mad as hell! i thought - well we'll continue lata and just as i was headed towards my hideout post, i hear a loud thud on the door, dude is at the front door yelling shordy's name shit! and then without warning, "Gboom!" dude bust down the door. first thing that came to my mind was "fuccin A dude!, I'ma get shot!. i aint even been in yankee for 5 yrs yet and now i'm in a potential deadly Jam! How will they say i died when they ship me back home?" lol... dude caught me with my timbs and boxers wit no shirt on, started yellin at the chic like "who da fucc is this?..." shit! by this time i'm gettin stressed, i'ma have to pull a fast one to save my black ass or else it's goin be a really long day. All of a sudden, i too start yellin at the chic like "who da fucc is this, you cheating on me?" by this time, the dude is lookin confused too like wtf lol..dat just gave me enuff time to dash out da apt, str8 to the bus station while still in my boxers and Timbs, with pants and shirt clenched in my hand. Thank God the dude didnt pursue me. i got on the bus all stressed out. come to think of it, Biggie actually did a track "i got a story to tell" dat sounded just like this tale.

Apparently this chic cheats on her man like there's no tomorrow, and she gets busted most times, so the dude already knows how she can be. hmm! that explains the overly frequent phone calls lol... mehn! sometimes when i reflect on stuff, i start laughing mehn lol..Thank God i lived to tell.

haha! The many Shades of Me

More ugly fotos coming lol..

Sorry I took too long

Ok so it's been a minute since my last blog post. Considering there's not much goin one lately, i ought to be pardoned :). Ok so i turned 1 year older last week (march 28)and got wiser too. A friend of mines was born just a day after i was born, so we decided to celebrate together at dave and busters with friends. Other than the waiter being a lil slow, the night was fun. watch out for my ugly pictures comimg soon.
Geez! i'm getting old. Another 3 yrs, and i'm 30! My mum called me and after she finshed saying her prayers, ol lady started giving me marriage hints lol.. i just told her "30 is the new 20". Marriage at 27? mehn i'm gonna have to work my ass off and cut off my cable, light and gas just to buy her a ring. Thank God i aint a female, it coulda been much worse lol...

I finally bought myself a crib - Thank Goodness Lord! My first house!. "Hey ya'll, Party @ my house!!" haha! I had to cos my Apt lease expires end of the month and those folks were trying hard to convince me to renew the lease contract. haha! nice try suckers, perhaps if they offered me lifetime supply of Agbalumo as part of the contract, i might have considered.. Anyways, the house is in Tucker Georgia, 3 bedrooms, 2.5 baths, plus i got all the upgrades; marble counter tops in the kitchen and bathrooms, hardwood floors, fire place with remote, and a 2 car garage. it's funny cos i ended up closing on my brithday, how Ironic. I'd really like to design the house like cavemen's crib (www.cavemencrib.com) lol..perhaps you too can help me design it. I'm open to ideas.

I saw a really sad story on the news the other day. A couple and their 5 month baby were found dead in their apt. Sources believe it was a murder suicide - perhaps the hubby killed the wife and then took his own. The poor baby apparently starved to death :(. Shit is depressing, I wonder what they must have been goin thru. Ya'll know I'm built ford tough, but sad shit like this gets to me. I'm reminded again -Life sucks sometimes.

Ok so i'm getting to that stage where i need to start considering getting into a serious relationship, therefore i'm now accepting applications for a naija wifey material. I'm not too strict on the requirements except you must know how to throwdown in the kitchen, average to good looking and look fabulous in traditional attire lol.. Holla at me if you think you qualify.

i should get back to work now. i wrote this on company time. Aint dat illegal or sumfin?