First time in a Tiddie Bar

My Blogland peeps, which level? mehn it appears your boy has been reduced to a 2-3times/wk blogger. Make una no vex ehn! no condition is permanent.
My weekend was busy and it was fun too. Before i forget, Goodluck to you if you got exams coming up and if you've already finished, then i pray make the lord touch the professor's heart to give you good grade. Amen! Dont forget to wear dark shades to the examination. You just never know if you might need to stretch your neck small and eyeball sontin. Ahhh!..sidon there dey do holy holy. Heaven help those who help themselves o.

Also i'd like to say my congrats to all the class of '07 graduates. I wish you all a successful post college life. May Bill collectors, lack of job, and all that post college stress not be your portion in jesus name. You should be proud of yourself mehn! no be small thing. More grease to your elbows. Una dey make me remember long long time ago in 2004 when me sef just graduate. It's a feeling of accomplishment. Welcome to the real world sha.

Anyways last wkend was fun! i partied all friday night, then on saturday i DJ'ed at a friend's graduation parry and also got to hang out with my padi padi DJ Dee Money from the super fresh crew Naija DJs.

The graduation parry was fun o. Mehn! Come see babes! Some of them even begin cheer me as i dey drop correct gbedu after gbedu. Me sef come begin dey catch feelings like say i be Rockstar. hahaha! MightyMike in da house! Notin do me. Even Eldee the champion, Del and Toks came thru. it was a bubbly nite.

The girls even sent me home with a nice load of jollof rice, moi moi, fried chicken, etc...That one should last me like a week or so. I spent sunday getting fit and watching soccer; English Premier league, Italian Serie A, etc. Manchester United are the league champs for this season. Mehn i love soccer. i used to be very current back in naija. I even remember playing monkey post back in Primary and Secondary School. Good times Mehn! Good Times...

That passion sorta died down since i moved to yankee almost a decade ago. I think it's cos i hardly had the opportunity to see the games, plus yankee does'nt even give a rat's ass about soccer anyways. Yankee soccer team full of OTUs

OTU:
noun
used to refer to one that really sucks in a particular sport.

i'm regaining my enthusiasm for the sport sha, i even subscribed to premium dish service just cos of Fox Soccer Channel. Mehn imagine if the naija babe i end up marrying loved soccer too, that would be a jackpot o. we could both watch the games together, cheering and sturve and live happily ever after. I should put in prayer request next sunday...

i even got some small gist for you guys sef. At first i wasnt gonna post , but on a second thought, i felt it was quite a milestone in my twenty something doggy dogg years in life. A "Right of Passage" if you will.

See, one of my Padi Padis from NYC "Dough boy" came down to atlanta for work and pleasure, so we decided to link up.

Original smooth operator, this guy fit scope any babe mehn. During our time for college, nah the guy dey arrange babes come our town house sef. I even dey take style take mental notes of his toasting style cos believe it or not, i still sometimes choke when trying to scope babes. I just start stammering all of a sudden. I no understand. i've sought help from everywhere you could possibly imagine. I even put in prayer request at church, and still, your boy still dey stammer jejely for fine babes.

My therapist thinks it's Anxiety. I'm working on it sha. Hot babes can get your equilibrium screwed up sometimes mehn. I dont think it's my confidence tho. i'm a pretty confident dude, It's not easy being MightyMike lol... I think with experience, i too will get to dough boy's level someday.

It's funny though, cos upon all the stammering and fumbling of words, the babes still remain responsive and don't seem to mind. I tell them i have a strange stammering problem and that it only happens when i'm conversing with fine babes.
Nah so them go just begin chuckle like say i dey tickle dem for under their feet. I dont get it. I guess notin do me.

Anyways so back to Dough Boy. He called and said he wanted to catch some fun that night.

Dough Boy: Miighty! Miiighty! MightyMiiiike!...
Me: Aaay! Abeg who be dis? [Homeboy has since changed his phone number]
Dough Boy: Nah Francis Mehn..
Me: Aaaay! Dooooough Boooy! Longest time mehn. How far na? Na your new number be this?
Dough Boy: Yeh mehn! i'm gonna be here for a few days for work...Miiiighty [hailing continues..]

Dough Boy: omo dokun [Another padi padi] tell me say nah you dey run things for ATL, wetin dey go on tonite?

It's a thursday and there's work the next day, but as a born ready naija boy, i thought "no danger!", we could hit buckhead to see what's popping. He mentioned he had been hearing great stories about ATL and the chics with correct apple bottom, so i guess he wanted to experience the hype.

I decided to take dough boy down to this club in buckhead. it's called frequency. After paying $5 for parking, we got to the club and nah so the guys for front entrance begin dey misyarn

Front entrance Guy: The club aint open yet fellas..
Me: Haba! At 10.30pm?
Front Entrance Guy: Yeh, We're still waitig for the DJ for tonight...
Me: Wow! Aight cool! we'll just hang around...

which kind yeye club be dis? DJ has'nt showed up at 10:30p. Which kind Toy DJ be dat?

That was def not a good look, especially with an out-of-towner next to you and all that ATL club hyping i did while we were driving.

No Shaking tho! time for plan B.

Doughboy had been going crazy all night long about apple bottom, so we decided well, how about we check out a Strip Joint. ATL is known for it strips clubs. I called my partner in crime Kenny G - real funny naija dude, he's like a yellow page when it come to Tiddie bars, i wonder how much he has spent there sef.

Ok well, my boy dropped the 411 on some tiddie joint named Mardi Gras off of Highway 285. we yarn small as per wkend moves and sturves, i quickly discharge am, we go yarn lata. After getting lost for like 10mins, we finally found the spot.

I saw a big grin across dough boy's face, the thing don dey shack am. He got me cracking up mehn. I no go lie, the thing begin shack me sef. I'd never been to a strip club up until that time, well minus this one time back in college when we went for the annual black engineering conference in baltimore. We actually just stumbled into it as it wasnt our original plan in the first place. lol..I just remembered something sha...that was a hell of a night. Funny sturves mehn...i'll save it for another time.

The second time i stepped into a tiddie bar was back when i used to live in NYC. I went there looking for a DJ gigg, so technically this was my first time.

As we stepped inside, my heart was going gboogoom! gboogoom! gboogoom! (beating faster than usual) Big boy like me, i still was a bit apprehensive. I had goose bumps all over. I tried to play it off though. If Dough-boy senses the slightest tension, yawa fit gas me all the way back to NYC. Nah so i just bone face like big boy. No stalling!

Of course we first had to pay and show IDs and sturves before we were allowed into the main room. Nah so dough boy begin dey jogg around the cashier counter like say im dey ready to substitute for soccer match. hahahaha! i laughed so hard, my stomach began to hurt on the side. "God help you if your white bosses are also hanging out here tonite.." i thought. Even the cashier babe burst a laff

Cashier: your friend must be really excited..

Me: Yeh! He just came from africa, Fresh off the boat. This is his first time in America. lmao..

DoughBoy: hahaha!..your fada!...nah me bring you come lagos..buahaahaha!...

Cashier: Really!? What part of Africa?

DoughBoy: Nigeria.

Cashier: Really? i have a Friend that's Nigerian too...

Doughboy: Awesome! You're looking really nice tonight. Do the girls in there look as good as you cos if not, i think i'd rather hang around here with you all night.

Cashier:[chuckling...]

DoughBoy: Hey i come to atlanta every once in a while. I should call you up when next i come around...

Cashier: [sure! quickly scribbles her 411 on a tiny sheet, and even asks doughBoy to ring her up some time and wishes us a good time...]

See! i told you the guy always dey lucky with babes.

Anyways, we marched down this small hallway towards the main room where it all goes down and the first thing i immediately noticed straight ahead was this "tired looking" white chic hanging off a pole. She appeared to be a bit older than i'd expected and did'nt seem to be having much fun.

The room was full of excitement, music pumping loud, butt naked babes running around and seemingly in a hurry. one even hit me in the left eye with her right tiddie as she was running upstairs to the VIP section. These babes are hustlers Mehn. Guys dey relax dey get lapdance, some dey even spray money on top stage. So this is where people come spend their pay check. My friend was jumping up and down with excitement. "Oh boy chill out mehn. You're gonna make them start looking at us like JJCs" i uttered.

Anyways, me i ordered a Long island ice tea to calm my nerves down. Dough boy ordered orange juice. daaa hell?! Apparently he had gotten enough alcohol at dinner with his co-workers earlier that night.

We come begin dey survey left and right. we saw one old rich looking white dude gettin a lapdance in the corner and the kele was rubbin her breasts all up his face. Dough boy almost went kolomental, his teeth clenched. The dude is hiliarious..

Anyways we were just chilling, catching up on life as this fine dark skinned akata babe walks up to us looking all sexy and bootylicous

Akata Babe: [in a flirty tone] Hey guys, w'sup? would you like a lap dance?
Dough Boy: [gently holds her by the hand] damn! you're so fine
Akata Babe: Thank You..[turns her back side and starts to wind slow]

Mehn the babe surely knew how to work it. The DJ played a fast bootie record and if you saw the way she was dropping it and bringing it back up, hmmm! it was wonderful to say the least. After teasing us for like 10 minutes or so, next thing i know, the babe turn around and begin dey slam her luscious breasts across dough boy's face.

"Ojigbijigbi!"

At that point, Dough boy had to be in cloud 9 mehn. The idiot looked at me and started cracking up like a small boy. Daaa hell? how you goin have tiddies all up your face and you're laughing instead of focusing? I no understand. Omo as for me sha, this kind thing nah serious matter. The way i will palm those lovely breasts ehn! hmmm! nah she go begin pay me money for my service sef. Keep in mind this babe is butt ass naked. chei! God has gotta be the best Artist.

she looked at me and decides to slide over to my side of the sofa as i managed a smile. Mehn i didnt even know how to react..all that talkin i did earlier was just shakara lol..she sat on my laps and let me tell you - her bom bom was as soft as dunlop.

I think it was from Kenny G i heard you're usually not allowed to touch strippers, just look. I was'nt sure as i kept hesistating. I no wan chop slap or even worse make the bouncer come rough handle me for acting a fool, so i just jejely maintain dey savor the babe.

She struck a conversation with us...no long thing. The only thing i remember was that she was from california. Anyways so i guess dough boy wanted to take it to the next level with the babe. She told him the private room was $150 cash for 30mins. Dang! this people dey make good money o. Dough boy only had $100 cash on him, and i could tell he so wanted to see what that private room was like. I chipped in $30, that was my last card too.

All dough boy now needed to earn him a trip to the fantasy world was ordinary $20. That was perhaps the hardest $20 ever cos dough boy just all of a sudden begin ransack the entire club looking for ATM machine.

Sadly enuff there was none available (how odd). Buahahahaha! Tough luck mehn! I should'nt even be laughing, dough boy nah my guy but the look on his face was just priceless. Poor guy. He obviously wasnt too pleased with the club as he started going on about how the club sucked. I thought that was hilarious sha, considering this was the same dough boy that was shining his teeth and praising the club just 30mins ago when the girl was rubbing her breasts on his face. I guess the unavailability of ATM machine can make your day go from great to worse. yeye guy. i just kia kia collect my 30 bucks before i forget.

We've been there for about 3hrs now and it was almost 1:30am, plus I had to work the next day. It's been a fun night. I signaled the valet parking dude and he quickly pulls up my ride. I still had to drop doughboy off at his hotel.

After getting lost for quite a bit, we finally located doughboy's hotel. We jisted some more and finally i gave him a pound as i said my goodbye. Doughboy is a Chemical Engineer and gets to travel alot. He'll be back again sometime with his complete $150 in cash.

The drive home was only about 15 mins. I was feeling sleepy and still a lil tipsy but i was alert for sure. I switched my satellite radio to a Techno station to help keep me awake and i tried not to speed since that would be like rubbing honey all over myself to attract bees. The cops around here are a bit uptight.

As i was cruising down Jimmy Carter Blvd (a mere 5 mins from home), i quickly noticed a familiar blue head light tailing me. That light makes me nervous man. Damn! i'm in big trouble today. I quickly parked in a corner, slipped on my seat belt and turned down the radio...

Officer: How you doing today?
Me: Fine Officer
Officer: where are you headed and where are you coming from sir?
Me: Home officer. I just dropped off a friend of mine a minute ago sir..
Officer: Yeah i noticed you were tailgating back there..have you been drinking tonite?

Me: No sir, i was just a lil tired and wanted to get home to get some good sleep. i didnt realize i was tailgating sir... [a grin across my face]

Officer: Alright may i take a quick look at your driver's license?
Me: Sure officer.

I calmly hand him my particulars, and he proceeds to run a check.

luckily for me, my license is spot free, but you still never know. he might ask me to step off the car and walk a straight line. Yawa fit gas me if it reach that level. No shaking sha! i just maintain for my car and prepared mentally for possible drama.

A minute must have barely gone by as i noticed an approaching car in the opposite side of the road without its headlights on. hahaha! I thought to myself "nah who be this useless person with no lights on for middle of the night..". He's lucky the officer is occupied with me sha...

All of a sudden, the office starts to sprint towards my car as his radio kept going off. I almost near had an heart attack within those 3 seconds. What daa hell is going on? Am i wanted for a crime or something? is he gonna start shooting?...
Mehn i aint goin lie, that shit got me stressing. See as i dey sweat for inside cool weather.

Mehn us Naija people too dey fear sha lol..I think some shit just happened around that area and the officer needed to go check it out, or perhaps it was that person with no headlights on. Whatever it was, the officer was in a hurry to discharge me. He quickly handed me my particulars as he managed a few words "Drive Safe Sir". He dashed back towards his patrol car.

Pheeew! that was close. I began thanking baba God as i started my engine and faded slowly into the night.